When Grace feels too Good to Receive

Dearest Becoming One,

I had always wondered why Peter was so afraid when he encountered Jesus’ miracle.

Jesus had just performed an extraordinary miracle, and Peter’s response was,

“Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.”

It baffled me.

I remember thinking, Shouldn’t this miracle have made him want to hold on to Jesus even more?

Then I would read about the people in the region of the Gerasenes.

Jesus had just delivered the man who had been tormented by demons, and instead of celebrating what had happened, the people became afraid and asked Jesus to leave their region.

As a child, I would almost laugh at them.

How could you see Jesus do something like that and then ask Him to leave?

Until I experienced a miracle of my own.

And suddenly, I understood something I had never understood before.

There I was, experiencing God’s goodness in a way I knew I could never have earned.

And instead of running closer to Him, I felt…

unworthy.

I felt so unworthy of continuing with Him.

I looked at everything He had done for me and thought,

“But what do I have to give You in return?”

I didn’t know how to receive something I had not worked for.

I had become so accustomed to the idea that help came with a price.

You helped me because I had done something for you.

You showed up for me because I deserved it.

You gave to me because I had something to give back.

So when Jesus came with something I could never repay, my instinct wasn’t simply to receive.

It was to withdraw.

Then my pastor told me something that would take months to truly sink into my heart:

“Tosin, it was by grace you were saved through faith. You didn’t do anything to earn His help. All you are expected to do is receive it.”

Receive it.

That was it.

I didn’t have to earn His love.

I didn’t have to become worthy enough for His goodness.

I didn’t have to repay Him before I could stay close to Him.

It was grace.

And honestly, it took me months to let that truth settle deeply within me.

Because sometimes the hardest thing isn’t believing that God can save you.

It is believing that He would save you without requiring you to earn it first.

So I began to wonder about Peter.

Could it be that sometimes the magnitude of God’s holiness makes us suddenly aware of our own unworthiness?

Could it be that fear can make us withdraw from the very One we desperately need?

Could it be that sometimes our minds magnify our unworthiness until we forget the overwhelming grace that invited us in?

Perhaps there is a mind-renewing work that has to happen here.

Because the enemy would love for us to look at our inadequacy and conclude,

“You don’t belong here.”

But the Gospel tells us something completely different.

You were never invited because you were enough.

You were invited because He is.

You were not saved because you had something impressive to offer Him.

You were saved by grace through faith.

So when I look at Jesus now, I don’t want my awareness of my weakness to become a reason to run away from Him.

I want it to become a reason to run towards Him.

When I fall, I want to come closer.

When I fail, I want to come closer.

When I see how much I still need to grow, I want to come closer.

Because grace was never a reward for those who had already figured it all out.

Grace is God’s gift to those who know they need Him.

So, dearest Becoming One, let your mind be renewed.

Let it know this:

You have been saved by grace through faith.

You did not save yourself.

You cannot boast in yourself.

And you do not have to live as though God’s goodness toward you is a debt you must spend the rest of your life trying to repay.

Receive.

Receive His love.

Receive His mercy.

Receive His help.

Receive His grace.

And then, from the overflow of having received, live for Him.

Gloryyyy! 🌹

Till I write again,

Your fellow Becoming One,

Oluwatosin🌹