Bleeding while Becoming

Dearest Becoming One,

Let’s talk about bleeding while becoming.

What does it mean to bleed when you know you have been healed?

It means knowing that God has healed you, yet sometimes it still feels like the old wounds keep opening.

It means seeing parts of your old nature show up and wondering,

“I thought I was past this.”

“Why am I still struggling with this?”

“Why does this part of me still look like who I used to be?”

Dearest Becoming One,

Don’t beat yourself up.

Don’t.

Don’t convince yourself that there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

Don’t.

Don’t conclude that you cannot be changed.

Don’t.

God is moulding you.

He already has a vision of who He is making you into. He knows who you are called to be. He has written of you in the volume of the books.

You are simply in the process of becoming it.

So when you find yourself falling, when carnality begins to rise again, when you catch yourself responding from an old place, pause.

Remember who you are.

Remember whose you are.

Remember the faithfulness of God.

And remember where you are going.

Something that helps me is remembering those who have gone ahead of me.

When I look at the lives of people God has used, I realise that their journeys were not always smooth either. There were places where they had to grow, unlearn, surrender and be transformed.

Yet God helped them.

And if He helped them, He will help me too.

So I return.

I say,

“Lord, I am sorry. Please forgive me.”

And then I forgive myself too.

I ask Him,

“Teach me. Give me the grace not to return to this place again.”

Then I stand on the grace God has already made available to me, and I begin retracing my steps.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Until, little by little, I realise that I don’t do it anymore.

Let me give you an example.

For a long time, I was used to being the “perfect child.”

The child without blemish.

So whenever a blemish was discovered, I instinctively wanted to find someone to blame.

“It was because of this person.”

“If they hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have done that.”

I wanted everyone to know that my perfect self was still there; someone else had simply hindered her from finding expression.

But when I came to Christ, I realised that I had to learn responsibility.

So whenever the urge to blame someone rises in me, I remind myself:

No. That is not who I am becoming.

I think like Christ.

I see like Christ.

I respond like Christ.

Therefore, I take responsibility where responsibility is mine.

I apologise where I need to.

I make amends where necessary.

And I do all of this knowing that God’s forgiveness is not waiting for me at the finish line.

His grace is already available to me in the process.

And it doesn’t only show up in this particular area.

It happens in different places.

Different reactions.

Different habits.

Different experiences.

Sometimes I notice the same old wound trying to bleed again, but I am no longer responding to it the way I used to.

And little by little, I begin to notice something:

The bleeding is stopping.

Not because I became perfect overnight.

But because I kept bringing that place to Jesus.

Again.

And again.

And again.

So, dearest Becoming One, when you find yourself falling, don’t abandon the journey because you stumbled.

Come back.

Repent.

Receive His forgiveness.

Forgive yourself.

Learn.

And keep becoming.

The fact that you are still being formed does not mean God has abandoned the work.

It means He is still working.

You are not disqualified because you are still growing.

You are becoming.

And becoming takes time.

Till I write again,

Your fellow Becoming One,

Oluwatosin 🌹