IDENTITY CRISIS

Dearest Gentle Reader,

I remember when I was younger, and people would ask me, “What is your name?”
It felt like a mathematics question had been thrown at me.

Not because I didn’t know my name,
But because I didn’t know which name to say.

Was it the name I received at birth,
or the one life had slowly forced me to start bearing?

I know you may say, “Why not just say your preferred name?”
But honestly, sometimes it doesn’t work that way.

That was how the identity crisis I carried found expression at the time.

Just like the woman with the issue of blood had a name, yet became known by her condition, many of us silently wear identities life handed to us. Sometimes it shows up subtly — when people shorten their names because they are ashamed of where they come from, or when they dislike their background so deeply they cannot even bear to say their full name with confidence.

You hear things like “Niffy Lon,”
When their actual name is Oluwanifemi Adebamiwa.

For me, the struggle continued for years.

Until about two years ago, I sat with myself and thought:

“Even if it feels like I do not know who I am or where I am coming from, now that I am one with Jesus, I can take on His identity.”

I can say:

I am Oluwatosin, daughter of the Most High God.
One who has been given dominion to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and they shall by no means hurt me.
Only with my eyes shall I behold the reward of the wicked.

In this new Kingdom — the Kingdom of God, Zion — I finally found a name that could not be shaken by life.

Now I understand why Christians would say, “I am from Zion,” when I was younger.

Because indeed, I am from Zion.
The city of the Living God.
The city of just men made perfect.
An innumerable company of angels.

I am a royal priesthood.
A holy nation.
A peculiar person called out of darkness into His marvelous light.

And even when others could not understand me, my Father had already told me through His Word that I am not of this world. That is why they cannot fully understand me.

And alas, greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.

I began to chant these scriptures over my life.
Slowly but surely, I found my footing in Christ.

Established.
Rooted.
Unshaken.

So now, if you ask me, “What is your name?”

I would say:

My name is Oluwatosin.
Daughter of the Living God.
A crown of glory in the hand of the Almighty God.

Now, I am not saying your story is identical to mine.

This is simply a call to ask you:

Where in your life are you experiencing an identity crisis?

Could it be your academics?
Maybe when someone asks for your GPA, shame rises so quickly that you can barely say it out loud.

How about taking it back to the foundation of God’s Word?

The scripture says:
“Thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee.” — Job 22:28

So speak to that GPA.

“GPA, hear the Word of the Lord.
Grow. Increase. Become better and better.
I can graduate with a First Class. I can graduate with a 2:1.”

Not wavering in belief, because you know creation responds to the voice of God.

This is my charge to you today, gentle reader:

Do not allow life name you before God does.

I trust you were blessed.

Till I write again,
Oluwatosin 🌹